Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!
by Ant423
Summary: A hilarious retelling of the Deadly Alliance storyline from the bad guys' point of view.
1. Chapter 1

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Note: **I do not own Mortal Kombat or any of its characters.

**Chapter 1:**

Shang Tsung opened his eyes and saw himself floating in the air. He could feel the wind blowing up against his long, black hair. Just then a hot woman showed up. She was completely naked and wrapped up in her long, blond hair. She moved closer to where Shang Tsung was.

"Who are you?" asked Shang Tsung.

"The girl of your dreams," she replied.

"You're so beautiful," said Tsung dreamily.

"Come closer to me. I want to make love to you."

"Finally, after all these centuries, I won't be a virgin anymore."

Shang Tsung approached the girl and wrapped his hands around her nude body. He brought his lips close to hers...

"Good Morning Outworld!" boomed the alarm clock radio, "You're tuned in to _99.4 EG Rock, _'The Music of the Gods!' This morning, we have some fabulous prizes to give away to those who entered the...

Shang Tsung grumbled and slammed his down on the radio, shutting it. It was all just a dream.

"Goddamnit!" he said.

Shang Tsung then sat up. He was wearing nothing except for a pair of old briefs. He put on some slippers and made his way to the mirror. Shang had a flabby stomach, a hairy back and thick bags under his eyes. He despised how ugly he had become over the past few years and wondered how the hell an ageless sorcerer like himself could have a mid-life crisis.

Then it hit him! He had not been consuming enough souls to preserve his youth, especially since his incarceration by Shao Kahn. Now that he was free, Shang formed an alliance with Quan Chi in an attempt to obtain eternal life. Shang Tsung sighed and picked up his agenda, which stood on his dresser:

_Monday: Help Quan Chi transplant souls, finish building the palace._

"God, I hate Mondays," muttered Shang Tsung.

Shang Tsung left his rooma nd went to take a shower. He then slipped on a bathrobe and wet to the kitchen to eat a hearty breakfast of chocolate cake and pizza left over from last night's party. Shang also read the newspaper. The front page article read: _Cyrax Lost in Outworld: Claims to Have Taken Wrong Turn at Albequerque._

After getting dressed, Tsung headed outside and into his car. Every morning, Shang Tsung had to travel all the way to the palace that Quan Chi had promised to build him. It was not complete, and therefore, Shang Tsung could not live in it yet. Instead, he was stuck living in his old house, which since his incarceration had become infested with cockroaches, cobwebs and other nasties.

Shang Tsung attempted to start the car, but the engine just caught fire.

"Piece of shit!" snapped Tsung. He then got out of his car and tried to fix it. Realizing it was hopeless, Tsung gathered some change and took the Dragonfly to work. He couldn't wait to call the palace his new home.

* * *

Drahmin wandered around the palace basement. After living in a dark forest for a few months, Shang Tsung promised Drahmin and his, um, partner Moloch, a place to live int he basement of his palace. They were actually a back-up defense in case Quan Chi betrayed Shang Tsung, but as long as they were given their daily dose of mortal flesh and pot, they were happy.

"Drahmin," said Moloch, who was sitting on the large bed, "Where have you been?"

"Nowhere," replied Drahmin, "I'm just really bored."

"Wanna play a board game?"

"Nah, I've had enough of those things. Plus, I think you ate some of them."

"Just monopoly and Scrabble. I couldn't help myself!"

Drahmin walked into the bedroom and sat next to Moloch on the bed. Moloch approached Drahmin and stroked his back.

"We don't communicate as much as we should," said Moloch, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, alright?" snapped Drahmin, "It's just...I can't stop thinking about what that bastard, Quan Chi did to us!"

"Don't worry, my love," said Moloch., hugging Drahmin, "We'll get him eventually."

"Not if we're stuck down here!" Drahmin then lay down on the bed.

Moloch moved closer and kissed Drahmin.

"You always know how to make me feel better," said Drahmin.

"Wanna play some board games?" asked Moloch.

"I got a better idea," said Drahmin with a devious smile.

The two oni slept very well that night...


	2. Chapter 2

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 2:**

Shang Tsung entered the large palace by the front door. As he did so, a swarm of green lights flew in. Those were, of course, souls that were on their way to the Soulnado. Shang Tsung was forced to cover his ears to block out the annoying sound of their screams. Once he made his way inside, he was confronted by Quan Chi.

"You're late, you bastard!" said Quan Chi.

"Not my fault," replied Tsung, "My piece of shit car broke down this morning. I had to take the Dragonfly to work."

"Are you okay?"

"Just tired...Let's get to work."

"First, I have to show you this..."

Quan Chi took Shang Tsung to the living room and showed him the answering machine. Quan Chi turned it on.

_"You have one new message," _it said. The message then played:

_"Yo, it's me, Raiden! That's right, Raiden! Listen, dickheads, I'm coming for you! You and your gay boyfriend, Shang Tsung are dead! I'm gathering up my heroes as we speak. You are going down, bitches!"_

"Okay..." said Shang Tsung.

"I know," said Quan Chi, "Those damn guys know where we live! If we are to stop them, we have to ressurect the army as soon as possible!"

"What's the rush?" asked Shang tsung, "We're already half done, and we have Kano and his army of Tarkatan soldiers to deal with the heroes."

"Those Tarkatan bastards couldn't fight off a six year old who was trying to tickle them!" shouted Quan Chi.

"Alright, then," began Tsung, "Do you have any more souls for the army?"

"Crap! I forgot the prisoners back at my fortress!"

"Damn you! I thought you were serious about this!"

"I am! But I make mistakes, too! I'm only human after all!"

"You're not a human! You're some white-faced Demon thingie!"

"That's not the point!"

"Look at us," said Shang Tsung, "Arguing over nothing."

"I know," replied Quan Chi, "I'm so ashamed."

"There, there."

Shang Tsung then approached Quan Chi and attempted to hug him.

"EW!" snapped Quan Chi, "Get the hell off of me!"

"Sorry..."

"Now, let's go retrieve the bodies."

At that moment, Kano walked by.

"Hey, Kano," yelled Quan Chi, "You're in charge while we're gone."

"Alrightie," answered Kano, as Quan Chi and Shang Tsung left.

"Wow," began Kano, "The whole place to meself. What to do?"

Kano then farted.

* * *

Just outside, stood Mavado, leader of the much-feared Red Dragon Clan, and his accomplice, Hsu Hao.

"Nice job with the OIA," said Mavado, "Commendable work!"

"Shucks," said Hsu Hao, "It was nothing, really."

"No, seriously," said Mavado, "Your actions might have possibly affected the course of the _Mortal Kombat _series."

"Stop it! You're making me blush."

The two Red Dragons walked inside the palace. As they talked and laughed, they did not notice Kano standing there.

"Mavado?" said Kano, "How dare you show your face here in Outworld!"

"YOU?" said Mavado, "I thought you were dead!"

"You and your buddies may have killed most of me clan, but Kano lives forever, hehehe!"

"Right," said Mavado, "Well, I'll have you know that the Deadly Alliance has offered the Red Dragon asylum from the upcoming invasion in exchange for our services! I bet you're here looking to score with Quan Chi!"

"You must be achin' for a kick in the goskies!"

"You know, since you're the only living member of the Black Dragon, I could kill you right here, right now and end our little rivalry once and for all..."

"Alright, then...BRING IT ON!"

"I'm gonna fuck you up!"

The two then charged at each other, but were intervened by Hsu Hao.

"What's the big idea?" demanded Mavado.

"Listen," said Hsu, "As long as we are working together under the Deadly Alliance, there will be no fighting between us, understand?"

"BUT HE STARTED IT!" the two said at the same time.

"I don't care," said Hsu, "It ends now. We both have a common goal and we are to achieve it. Now, shake hands."

Reluctantly, Mavado and Kano shook hands. As they did so, they squeezed as hard as possible.

"There..." said Hsu, "Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be jerking off in the bathroom."

Hsu Hao left.

"So," began Mavado, "What are you really here for?"

"Glad you asked, mate," said Kano, "I am the general of the Tarkatan army. That's right, suck it in, hehehe."

"We may be working together now," began Mavado, "But soon enough Shang Tsung and Quan Chi will decide which of us they prefer!"

"I look forward to that day..."

"Right," said Mavado, as he started to leave, "I'm out."

"Where do you think you're goin'?" demanded Kano.

"Away from you, _Paul Hogan_!"

"Just remember, you'll never beat the Black Dragon!"

"Shaddup!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Quan Chi drove across the Outworld along with Shang Tsung to find his fortress.

"Quan Chi" said Shang Tsung, "Do you remember when we first formed the alliance?"

"Yeah, it was about a year ago. Why?"

"I don't know...It just amazes me how much we accomplished since then."

"Yeah, I know."

Shang Tsung sighed. "I remember that day like it was yesterday..."

**-Flashback-**

Shang Tsung sat quietly in his house reading the paper. The front page article read: _Noob Saibot Comes Out_. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Hello?" said Tsung after answering the door.

There, stood a ghastly green beast.

"Hi," said the beast, "I have..."

"MONSTER!" shouted Tsung.

"What the..."

Shang Tsung punched the creature in the face, knocking it down. The creature attempted to stand up and explain itself, but Tsung simply kicked it in the crotch. As the creature staggered around, Tsung went to grab his straight sword.

"Oh no!" shouted the creature.

Shang Tsung charged at it, but it managed to dodge the blows.

"Holy crap!" it said, "It'ssss me, Shang Tsssung, it'ssss me!"

"Reptile?" asked Shang Tsung.

"Yesssss!"

"Wow, you've changed since I last saw you. Come to think about it, you actually look like a reptile now!"

"Very funny. Anywayssss, I've come to deliver you a messsssage." Reptile handed the sorcerer a piece of paper.

"Goddamnit!" said Shang Tsung, reading, Shao Kahn wants me to go to his castle and give him a sponge bath."

"Good luck," said Reptile, "Ssssee you later!" Reptile left.

Shang Tsung cursed under his breath. First, Shao Kahn incarcerated him, and now he wants him to be his personal assistant.

Before Shang Tsung could close the door, he heard a noise outside. Shang Tsung saw Reptile running scared. He quickly headed out. In his courtyard, the aptly named "Acid Bath," Shang Tsung saw a ninja spectre battling Quan Chi. The two charged at each other and unleashed a fury of punches. Quan Chi countered one of the ninja's attacks and knocked him to the floor. The ninja stood quickly stood up and fired his spear at Quan Chi, who dodged it. Quan Chi then fired a green skull that hurt the ninja. He immediately performed a rising star kick and the ninja flew into the air and fell into the surrounding acid pit.

"Holy Crap!" said Shang Tsung, who ran up to Quan Chi, "What's going on here?"

"He was trying to kill me," replied Quan Chi, "Then he was going for you."

"What? Well, thanks for saving me...Um, what's your name?"

"Quan Chi. Don't you remember me? We met before!"

"I don't remember..."

"Well, I can't give you a flashback as we are already in one," Quan Chi then pulled out his amulet, "Do you see this?"

Shang Tsung nodded.

"This amulet gives me access to any realm. I can travel anywhere with this. This is how I found the army of the long-lost dragon king. With the army, I can take over the world! But since they are dead, I'll need your talents for soul transplantation to resurrect them."

"I guess I can do that...But what's in it for me?" asked Shang Tsung.

"With this amulet," began Quan Chi, "I was able to unlock the portal to the heavens."

"The portal to the heavens? Wow! That's like, an infinite amount of souls!"

"Yes. Absolute immortality. Now, will you join me?"

"Sure." The two sorcerers shook hands.

"Now," said Shang Tsung, "What will we call ourselves?"

"Huh?" asked Quan Chi.

"A name, right? We need a name that will strike fear in the hearts of every being in the universe."

"Um," Quan Chi thought for a moment, "How about...The Deadly Alliance?"

"Simple," said Shang Tsung, "But Cool! I like the way you think, man!"

"Now, before we begin, we must kill the two people who will stand in our way: Liu Kang and Shao Kahn."

"Hmmm..." thought Tsung, "I don't mind killing Kang, but can I really turn on my emperor? Let's see: No more foot rubs, sponge baths, or bedtime readings. And I won't have to hear him play that damn trumpet anymore!"

"Alright! Will you come with me or not?" demanded Chi.

"Great! Let's do this!"

The two sorcerers set off to Shao Kahn's palace.

"Um, Quan Chi,"

"Yes?"

"Can we please build a palace near the portal to the heavens? My house is kind of falling apart and it will save me the long drive to get some souls."

"Okay. We'll just enslave a nearby town to build it."

"YAY!"

**-End Flashback-**

"Wow," said Tsung, "That was one hell of a day!"

"Yeah," replied Chi, "Oh! Here we are!"

The two sorcerers got out of the car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 3:**

Outside the palace, there were a series of scaffolds as the building was not complete. Slaves from the nearby town were working hard to complete the palace as Tarkatan soldiers whipped them.

"Sir," said one slave, "I don't feel very good! I think I got indegestion!"

"Allow me to help," said a Tarkata. He then punched the slave in the stomach.

"Now, get back to work!" he snapped. The slave obeyed.

"The work may be hard," said another slave, "And the pay may be shitty, but at least the health plan is good."

"Whatever," said the slave, cluching his stomach.

At the floor of the palace, Kano walked around and patrolled the site. Everything was going good and the palace was well on its way to being completed. Just then, Kano heard a rucus up ahead. Kano ran to the scene. There was a young Asian girl kicking around a horde of Tarkatan soldiers. Kano attempted to break them up, but merely got punched in the face.

"You little bitch!" shouted Kano.

"You'll never beat me!" said the girl.

Kano ran up to her and tried to punch her, but she dodged and struck him in the chest. Kano staggered backwards.

"You wanna mess?" Kano pulled out his knife and pointed it at her, but she kicked it out of his hand.

"Crickey!" said Kano.

The girl was about to charge at Kano when she suddenly froze in mid-attack. Kano saw Quan Chi standing behind her.

"I didn't need your help," shouted Kano, "I could've taken that bird with arm tied behind me back!"

"Right..." said Quan Chi. The sorcerer snapped his finger and the girl fell to the floor. "What is your name?"

"Li Mei," replied the girl, "You have enslaved me and my people for too long. Now, you must pay."

"You do realize that your rebelling all by yourself?" asked Quan Chi, "What could you possibly hope to accomplish?"

"Yeah," said Kano, "What were you thinkin'?"

"Kano," said Chi, "Shut up and get the hell outta here."

"Yessir!" Kano then ran away.

"You and Shang Tsung will not get away with this!" said Li Mei.

Quan Chi held his arm over her head. He felt a powerful energy emanating from her.

"Yes!" Quan Chi said to himself, "I feel it! She possesses the warrior spirit! Now, I must test her strength!"

"YO," snapped Li Mei, "I'm talking to you, bastard!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Chi, "I'm listening."

"Set my people free!"

"How about this? You take part in our little tournament and we'll set your people free." Quan Chi then helped Li Mei up.

"What kind of tournament?"

"Mortal Kombat," said Chi with a devious smile, "You and a group of others from beyond will fight to the death and whoever they wins will get what they desire."

"And if I lose?"

"Hello! Were you listening you bimbo? It's MORTAL KOMBAT! If you lose, you die!...And your people won't be freed."

"I will do it then."

"Great," Quan Chi snapped his fingers and two Tarkata showed up. "Take her to the cell. We will decide on a date for the tournament."

"What tournament?" asked one of the Tarkata.

"Just do your job!" said Quan Chi. The Tarkata took Li Mei away.

"Holy Shit..." muttered Chi, "What the fuck did I get myself into?"

* * *

Drahmin and Moloch sat on the bed eating some mortal flesh.

"Mmm..." said Moloch, "Nothing hits the spot like some flesh."

"Yes," said Drahmin, "It's partially decomposed, just the way I like it."

"So, Drahmin," said Moloch, "What are we gonna do about Quan Chi?"

"I've been coming up with several ideas," said Drahmin.

"Oh! Oh! I got it!" shouted Moloch.

"What?"

"We could build a tunnel! I'll use my ball!"

"Nah. That would make too much noise. the Shangmeister would know that we're up to something."

"You're right," Moloch lowered his head, "You're so smart, you know that?"

"Not as much as I am sexy," replied Drahmin. The Oni tormentor then did a little dance.

"I love you, snigglebums!"

"Yes, I love you too."

"The day we met was the best day of my life. Remember?"

"How could I forget?"

**-Flashback-**

Drahmin wandered the fifth plane of the Netherrealm. Drahmin had been condemned there for his heinous crimes as a human, which included smuggling, possession of illegal substances, and sexually assaulting a goat. He hated life in the Netherrealm, but worst of all, he hated being an ugly, smelly Oni.

Anyways, as Drahmin walked down the Netherrealm, he passed by the slums. Ever since Shinnok took over as ruler, there has been much more disorder and crime in the Netherrealm. Just then, Drahmin was intercepted by two thugs.

"Hey," said one of the thugs, "What do you think you're doing here in our part of the ghetto?"

"I was just passing through," said Drahmin.

"Yeah?" said another thug, "Well, you better leave if you know what's good for you!"

"Listen," began Drahmin, "I don't want any trouble..."

"Well," said the first thug, "You're gonna get it! Welcome to life in the Netherrealm, bitch!"

The thug then kneed Drahmin in the stomach. As Drahmin fell, the next thug kicked Drahmin in the side.

"By the way," said one of the thugs, "Nice mask, pretty boy!" They then took thew mask and ran away.

"Fuck you," muttered Drahmin, as he clenched his stomach.

Drahmin then stood up and looked around. He suddenly heard a noise. It was someone singing. At first Drahmin thought it was the voice of an angel, but then he realized that he was in Hell, and therefore it was impossible. Drahmin ran down the street and turned the corner where he saw an a small Oni playing guitar. Standing next to him was an enormous, yet beautiful Oni singing:

_"Take away, take away, take away this ball and chain!_

_And I'm lonely and tired, and I can't take any more pain._

_Never to return again!_

_Take away, take away, take away this ball and chain..."_

"Um," said Drahmin, approaching the large Oni, "I couldn't help but hear your wonderful voice. You are very talented."

"Thanks," said the Oni, "I'm just a street musician. I don't have a home or a job. My buddy and I just play here all day and all night..."

"Wow. You sing so passionately. I could feel your pain."

"Really? Then could you take away my ball and chain?"

"What? No! I mean, they look sexy on you...Kinky almost."

The big Oni blushed.

"My name's Drahmin."

"I'm Moloch."

"How long have you been in the Netherrealm?" asked Drahmin.

"I don't know...Forever, I guess," replied Moloch.

Just then, those two thugs showed up again.

"Well, well, well..." said one of the thugs, "Look who's here. It's the pretty boy. Who's that? Your boyfriend?"

"Leave me alone, fuckers!" snapped Drahmin.

"Yeah!" said Moloch, "Leave my new friend alone!"

Moloch then swung his massive ball and smashed the thug into the floor.

"Oh, shit!" said the other thug, "Listen, here's your mask back. I'm sorry I hurt you." The thug immediately ran off, leaving behing Drahmin's mask.

"Thanks a lot," said Drahmin to Moloch. Drahmin then put his mask back on.

"Wanna go get some ice cream?" asked Moloch.

"I'd like that," replied Drahmin.

The two Oni walked off, hand in hand. The small guitarist that was with Moloch shrugged his shoulders and continued to play.

**-End Flashback-**

* * *

As the two Oni contemplated the old times, Quan Chi approached Shang Tsung about his idea...

"WHAT?" boomed Shang Tsung, "NO FUCKING WAY!"

"Jesus Christ, man!" said Quan Chi, "Calm down!"

"A tournament? To free her people? What were you thinking?"

"It's not actually to free her people. I was thinking we could pit the girl and all the other captives against each other to see which of them is the strongest before we transplant their souls."

"Um, Quan Chi, what's the point of them being strong if I'm just transplanting their SOULS?"

"The Warrior Spirit, man! You can't be a strong warrior if you don't have a strong soul. You're a martial artist! You should know that!"

"Yes, yes, whatever. It's just that the cost of hosting a tournament nowadays is astronomical!"

Shang Tsung then sat at a table and put on his reading glasses. He pulled out a calculator and began doing calculations.

"Look," said Tsung, "With the cost of building materials for the palace, food and clothing for the army, and that air hockey table in the living room, our budget is tight."

"We could sell some stocks..." suggested Chi.

"Nah!" said Tsung, "That's not enough."

"Listen," said Chi, "We'll find some cash."

"Whatever. We'll worry about this mess in the morning. For now, let's go to bed."


	4. Chapter 4

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 4:**

Kano stood quietly in the large office, glancing around at the photos on the wall. Just then, Mavado and Hsu Hao entered.

"Well, well, well," said Kano, "If it isn't_ Mad Max _and his buddy, _Jackie Chan_."

"Shut up, you Australian motherfucker!" snapped Mavado, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I was called here for a bloody meeting."

"Well, so were we."

"I wonder what Quan and Shang want from us."

"Maybe they're putting me in charge of the army!"

"Highly doubtful," said Hsu Hao.

Just then, the two sorcerers entered the room and everyone went silent.

"Listen up," said Tsung, "We have an economic crisis on our hands."

"Since we are lacking funds," began Quan Chi, "We are going to have to..."

"Oh no!" said Hsu, "You're laying us off!"

"Shut up Hsu Hao," said Shang Tsung.

"Yeah," said Kano, "Shut up!"

"Kano," said Quan Chi, "Shut up!"

"Sorry..." replied Kano.

"We're not laying anyone off," continued Chi, "We just need to find an alternate source of money. Does anyone know how we can make easy money?"

"I know!" said Kano, "I served as Shao Kahn's general for years here in Outworld. During a routine search, I heard of about a legend of an old treasure buried in the Makeba Caves. It's said to be worth thousands."

"Oh, please!" said Mavado, "You guys are gonna believe a stupid old legend?"

"Well," said Quan Chi, "It's the only plan we've got right now. Kano, can you find me this treasure?"

"Yessir!" replied Kano.

"What?" demanded Mavado, "If you're gonna send anyone, it should be me! I'm a much better fighter than the _Crocodile Hunter _over here!"

"Yes," began Shang Tsung, "But it's his idea, and therefore, he goes. Plus, he knows his way around here more than you. Listen, if Kano doesn't make it back, you'll go, Mavado."

Kano then stuck his tongue out at Mavado. Mavado replied by pulling the finger.

"Now," said Tsung, "Get the hell out of our office!"

Everyone except for Shang Tsung and Quan Chi left the office. Kano headed to his chambers to prepare for his journey.

"Sorry, sir," said Hsu Hao, "Looks like you lucked out."

"You know, you could have said something to support me," said Mavado.

"What was I supposed to say?"

"Nevermind..."

"Man, I've always been at your side. Remember in high school when that girl you liked rejected you? You spent every waking hour crying in your room. Who was there to comfort you?"

"Yeah I remember. You comforted me. You even assassinated her for me." Mavado then began to cry.

"What's wrong?" asked Hsu Hao.

"It's just...You're such a great friend..."

"Aw, shucks. Thanks man! Listen, I have to go now. If you want, you can stop by later. See ya!"

"Bye!"

Hsu Hao then left. Mavado stood alone in the large hallway. Clenching his fist, Mavado vowed that one way or another, he would kill Kano...

* * *

Shang Tsung walked down the long, filthy hallway in the basement of the palace. As he walked, he passed by several small cells containing prisonners.

"Hey Shangie!" said one of the prisonners, "You promised us we were going to watch _Snakes on a Plane_ today! What the hell was that piece of shit we watched instead?"

"That," began Shang Tsung, "Was _You, Me and Dupree_. I could not find _Rakes on a Train, _or whatever, at Blockbuster!"

"Come on!"

"You know, for someone who is about to have their soul transplanted into a mummified soldier, what movies you watch should be the last thing on your mind right now!"

Shang Tsung walked off. Entertaining prisonners...Who knew it could be that hard?

Tsung eventually arrived at Li Mei's cell. He opened it and allowed her to step out so that he can carry on his evening inspections. Two Tarkatans guards stood nearby in case she tried to run.

"Working late tonight?" asked Li Mei.

"Yeah," said Tsung, "Really big schedule."

"When's this tournament your partner spoke of?"

"I don't know. We're still looking for um, sponsors..."

"Shang," Li Mei moved in closer to Tsung, "I see you everyday from my cell. You look so lonely and sad."

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Tsung.

"I mean, you have everything any human being could want...Money, a big palace, fancy things, and eternal life. Yet, whenever I see you walk by my cell, you look empty inside."

"Nonsense!"

"What's wrong?" asked Li Mei while stroking the sorcerer's chest, "Did Quan Chi say something bad to you?"

Shang Tsung gulped. He tried hard to resist his urges.

"Get back into your cell and go to bed!" he ordered.

Li Mei did as she was told. As the cell door closed, she blew a kiss to Shang Tsung. The sorcerer took a deep breath and began to walk off.

"Wow," whispered a nearby guard, "Looks like she has the hots for you..."

"Shut up!" snapped Tsung, who then ran off.

How badly Shang Tsung wanted to take over the world...Then, maybe, he could finally get the girl of his dreams. For now, he was all alone. This was going to be a long night


	5. Chapter 5

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 5:**

Hsu Hao sat on the bar stool drinking from his tall glass of beer. It had been a long day and all Hsu wanted to do was sit down and relax at his favourite hotspot, the Outworld Tavern. After chugging down another glass of beer, a man dressed in yellow robes sat on the stool next to Hsu Hao.

"Shokan Shnapp," said the man to the bartender. Hsu Hao simply glanced at him.

"Shokan Shnapp?" asked Hsu, "That is some strong stuff!"

"Yeah," said the man, "But every once and a while, I like a strong drink to cool off, you know?"

"I see," replied Hsu.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

"Um, no. How could you tell?"

"I've been to Earthrealm a few times. I recognize your army clothing."

"Oh..."

"My name's Hanzo Hasashi," the bartended then arrived with the drink. Hanzo grabbed it and took a sip, "Listen, Mr. Bartender, how about one of these for my friend here?"

"Oh, I couldn't..." began Hsu.

"Nonsense! You gotta learn to try new things," said Hanzo.

"Okay." Hsu Hao then took a sip of his Shnapp. "Wow! By the way, my name is Hsu Hao. _General _Hsu Hao."

"Very nice to meet you."

As you know, Hsu Hao was not actually a general. In fact, he quit the Chinese army to join the Red Dragon (He stole the hat from his superior the day he left). He often told strangers he was a general to feel important.

"So," began Hanzo, "What would a high-ranking general from Earthrealm be doing here in Outworld?"

"I was um..." Hsu Hao thought for a moment, "My army and I...We were investigating an anonymous tip that there is a secret terrorist organzation here...and then some stuff got in the way..."

"I can assure you," said Hanzo, "That there are no terrorists here. But I commend you and your crew for your bravery. Have another drink...On me!"

Hanzo Hasashi ordered another drink for Hsu Hao, who happily gulped it down.

"Say," said Hsu, "Why ae your eyes all white?"

"My eyes?" said Hanzo, "Um, contacts..."

"Oh."

Hanzo ordered several more drinks for "General" Hao. After about 4 or 5, Hsu was completely drunk.

"Th-th-this guy here..." yelled Hsu, "He's m-my new buddy friend! Hic!"

"Yes, yes," said Hanzo, "Whatever. So, where exactly do you work?"

"I d-don't know what yer Hic! speaking about...Hic!" Hsu chugged another drink, "But I do Hic! know one thingie..."

"What?"

"You're my buddy friend!" Hsu was practically shouting.

"Okay," said Hanzo, "I think the entire bar knows now. Could you just tell me where your base of operations is?"

"Hic! My corporation? What?"

"No! Your BASE OF OPERATIONS!"

"Okay! Hic! It's somewhere west."

"West?"

"Hic!"

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"H-here. Take this Hic! map and yeah...Hic!"

Hsu Hao pulled a map out of his pocket. On it, were the blueprints of Shang Tsung's palace.

"YES!" shouted Hanzo, "Exactly what I wanted! Quan Chi, you're mine!"

"Hey," snapped the bartender, "Keep it down here!" He pointed to a sign that read: _Don't Wake The Drunks_.

"Yeah," said Hsu, "Shut the Hic up, motherfugger." Hsu Hao then passed out.

"Thanks a lot Hsuey," said Hanzo.

Hanzo then got up and began to leave.

"Hey!" said the bartender, "What about the bill?"

"Oh," replied Hanzo, "My friend here will take it!"

* * *

Kano walked around the used car lot admiring the fine collection of jeeps.

"Yes," said Kano, "These are exactly what I need to find the money."

"Well then," the salesman suddenly shouted, "You're in luck, because today, evrything's on sale!"

"Woah!" shouted Kano, "Where the bloody hell did you come you come from?"

"I've been following your every move since you first got here!"

"Creepy..."

"Listen," the man approached Kano and whispered into his ear, "My boss is over there. He's observing me. I've been here for 3 years now, and I haven't made a single sale!"

"So?..."

"Please, buy something...anything!"

"Alright," began Kano, "Here's the deal: I'll buy a used jeep from you if you come along with me and help me find some treasure."

"Treasure?"

"Yes!"

The salesman thought for a minute.

"Well," he began, "I guess. At least I get to go on a fun adventure, right?"

"I guess so," replied Kano.

"WAHOOOOOO! MY FIRST SALE! YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Calm down..."

"Here that boss? I made my first sale! Now, Ima going on a vacation! Wahoo!"

Kano slapped his forehead. He did not want to do this, but he knew he needed an assistant. Kano's journey was just beginning...

* * *

Later, at night, Shang Tsung peeked his head into the large hole that lead into the basement. There, he saw Moloch and Drahmin playing cards in their bedroom.

"Having fun?" asked Tsung.

"Woah!" said Drahmin, looking up at Shang Tsung, "You scared us there!"

"Sorry. So, how's it going?"

"Pretty shitty. Moloch here keeps eating all our boardgames, and there aren't any good movies left to watch. I swear to God, if I see that piece of shit _Grease _one more time, I'll kill myself!"

"Relax," said Tsung, "I'll find some more videos at home."

"GO FISH!" shouted Moloch suddenly.

"Moloch," said Drahmin, "We're playing blackjack!"

"Oh," replied Moloch, "Then, you sunk my battlehip!"

"You know what?" said Drahmin, "I'm gonna call it a night."

"By the way, I'll have a fresh batch of flesh for you in the morning. For now, just hang tight."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Also," continued Tsung, "Would you mind not standing so close to the air vents? Your smell is going through the AC unit of my palace and Quan Chi is getting kinda suspicious..."

"Alright!" said Drahmin, "Moloch, you heard the man!"

But Moloch was already fast asleep.

"Shit! I'll remind him in the morning."

"Alright, then," said Tsung, "Good night, lovebirds! And I'm moving in tomorrow, so tell Moloch to start controlling his night terrors!"

Shang Tsung closed the hatch and left the palace. Tomorrow, once his home entertainment system was set up, Shang Tsung will finally move into his palace.

"Ahhh..." though Tsung, "No more long drives to work..."

As the sorcerer walked to his car, he heard a noise. Tsung turned his head, but it was too dark to see.

"Hello?" he asked.

No answer. There was another noise.

"Quan Chi? Is that you?"

Shang Tsung began to walk faster. Just as he was about to enter his car, he heard someone approaching...

"Hello?" asked Tsung again.

Just then, he saw a figure standing in the distance. Shang Tsung snapped his fingers and a light emanated from his hand. There, in the distance, Tsung saw a tall figure in a red and black body suit staring straight at him.

"W-w-who are y-you?" demanded Tsung, nervously.

The figure simply stared. As he moved closer, Tsung could see that he had a red blindfold wrapped around his eyes.

"HOLY SHIT!" screamed Tsung.

The sorcerer ran into his car and drove away at the fastest possible speed. Eventually, Tsung arrived home. He was sweaty and shaky. After all these years, the swordsman Kenshi, whom Shang Tsung had blinded, was now seeking revenge against him. Scared, Shang Tsung jumed into his bed (Still wearing his red robes) and his under the sheets, shivering. Looking up from under the sheets, Tsung saw Kenshi's staring face through the bedroom window.

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Tsung, "GO AWAY!"

Tsung hid under the sheets again. He stayed like that the whole night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 6:**

The next morning, Shang Tsung was extremely tired, as he did not sleep at all last night. All he could think of was Kenshi's gruff, emotionless face staring at him. Kenshi was blind, yet somehow he caught up to the sorcerer and is stalking him, a thought that disturbed Tsung. Still shaky, Tsung made his way to the kitchen and tried to make breakfast. After 3 failed attempts at pouring coffee, Tsung just gulped down some orange juice.

"DING!" went the toaster.

"AAAAAHHH!" Tsung jumped and dropped his glass of juice, "Who's there?"

Tsung saw that it was just the toaster.

"Shit..."

Shang Tsung drove to work. During the drive, he saw the Blind Swordsman staring at him from the side road. Tsung quickly turned his head and focused on the road ahead. It was a looooong drive.

Shang Tsung eventually arrived at the palace. He went straight to the office.

"Hey, Shang!" said Quan Chi, "Whazzup?"

"Huh? What? Oh, nothing..." replied Tsung.

"Did you get that email I sent you?"

"You mean th-that stupid flash cartoon?"

"Yes. Isn't it hilarious?"

"What's s-so f-f-funny about it? It's just a fat man in a Hawaiin shirt d-d-dancing!"

"What's wrong, man? You look jittery..."

"I'M FINE!"

"Geez!"

"No, I'm not fine! Not fine at all! Do you remember that story I told you of that guy I blinded?..."

"Yeah..."

"And then I left him for dead?...Well, he's back!"

"He's back?"

"I don't know how he survived, but now he's stalking me! I'm telling you, he wants revenge! REVENGE!"

"Calm down, Shang! Look at you, quivering over some blind guy. You're a powerful sorcerer."

Shang Tsung paced around the room.

"You don't understand," began Tsung, "This guy's got hightened senses. He's like a shadow. He knows my every move, but I can't see him..."

"Listen," said Chi, "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but if you really want to get rid of this guy, then you're gonna have to hire someon else, because I'm too goddamn busy!"

Just then, Mavado burst into the office.

"Did someone ask for Mr. Mavado?"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" demanded Chi.

"I overheard your predicament, and I'll gladly help you, Shang Tsung. I was a once a professional assassin!"

"Get the hell out..." began Chi.

"No, wait!" said Tsung, You can take him out for me?"

"Of course," replied Mavado, "But just one itsy-bitsy condition:" A devious smile came upon Mavado's face, "I get to fight Kano to the death..."

"What?" demanded Quan Chi, "There will be no fighting between our members."

"Alrightie then," said the Red Dragon, "I guess it's not my problem then."

"Wait," said Tsung, "Ignore Quan Chi. I know how much you want to fight him...We'll just find a replacement for Kano..."

"Go on," said Mavado.

"Once Kano comes back from his search, you'll get to fight him. But you must find and kill Kenshi first!"

"No problem," said Mavado, "I thank you for this oppurtunity to show you my skills as a member of the Deadly Alliance!"

Mavado then left the room.

"Shang Tsung, you idiot!" shouted Chi, "The Earthrealm heroes are approaching and you have the nerve to sacrifice our general so that you can kill a dumb blind guy? The hell is wrong with you?"

"Yeah, you're right..." said Tsung, "I kinda messed up. But for now, can we focus on organizing the tournament?"

"Whatever," said Chi, "But we still need that money...What the fuck is taking Kano so long?"

* * *

"Here we are!" announced the salesman, "Makeba caves!"

"Thanks a lot for the drive, mate," said Kano, "By the way, what's your name again?"

"Rick," replied the salesman.

"Alright then."

"Let's head inside!"

Rick and Kano got out of the large jeep and gathered up all their stuff. Kano suddenly pulled out a butterfly knife and pointed it at Rick's face.

"Listen, mate," said Kano, "If you try anything funny, you're gonna get cut up real bad, so watch yourself!"

"Sure!" replied Rick, enthousiastically, "I'm not planning on knocking you unconscious and stealing the treasure for myself if that's what you're thinking!"

"Perfect!" said Kano, "Let's go!"

The two travellers slowly made their way inside the cave. They lit some flashlights to see through the darkness. After a few minutes, they entered a large temple.

"Crikey!" said Kano, "This place is enormous!"

"Ah, yes," said Rick, "The ancient Makeba temple. Burial chamber of the great Makeban rulers of the past."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever! I'm just here for the money!"

"Well, then let's go!":

"Wait, you idiot! Haven't you ever seen _Indianna Jones?_ This place could be booby-trapped!"

"That's absurd!"

"Watch!"

Kano bent down and crawled on the stone floor. A barrage of arrows flew from one wall to the other. Kano was unharmed because he was crawling.

"Interesting," said Rick.

"See?" said Kano, "Now, pay attention..."

Kano suddenly placed his hand down on a scorpion.

"AAAAHHH! BLOODY SHIT!"

Eventually, the two found themselves in the main chamber. There were several coffins placed around the room. The treasure was right in the middle on a pedestal

"Watch out!" said Kano, "This is the part where the boulder comes down and chases us out of the temple."

Kano slowly walked up to the small chest that stood on the pedestal. He pulled it off carefully and placed a rock of equal weight on the pedestal. Nothing happened.

"Good job!" shouted Ricky.

"Any louder," began Kano, "And you'll wake the dead!"

Just then, the coffins that surrounded the room opened a slew of hideous zombies emerged and began to walk over to Rick and Kano.

"Wow," said Ricky, "You were right!"

"What the fuck? Zombies? I don't remember that from _Indianna Jones_!"

"Well, this is real life, not some action movie, so anything can happen..."

"Shut up and give me that machete!"

Rick tossed Kano a large machete. Kano charged at a group of zombies and slashed them down. Rick pulled out a large shotgun and attempted to shoot the zombies.

"Hey!" said Rick, "This thing doesn't work!"

"You have to cock it first!" shouted Kano, who knocked down another zombie.

"Sir, this is not a time for dirty talk!"

"No, you idiot! I mean pump that bloody stick!"

"Oh, right!"

Rick coked the gun and fired straight at a nearby zombie. The creature's head exploded and guts went flying all over Rick.

"AAAHHH!" shouted Kano, "HELP ME!"

Kano was grabbed by two zombies, who were attempting to eat his brains.

"Never fear! Ricky the Salesman is here!"

Rick then fired at the zombies. He managed to hit a zombie, causing it's arm to blow off. Now free, Kano grabbed the mutilated arm and used it to whack the other zombie that held him down.

"Who else wants to mess with me?" shouted Kano.

"Good show!" said Rick, "You're a fine explorer, and may I add, a great fighter."

"Yeah, yeah. I just wanna get the fuck outta here."

"By the way, Kano..."

"Yes?"

Rick then took the shotgun and struck Kano across the head.

"Thanks, biatch!" said Rick, who then picked up the chest and bolted out of the room.

Kano awoke a few hours later.

"Bastard," he said.

Kano stood up and rubbed his head. He looked down the hallway that lead out of the temple.

"I wonder if Ol' Ricky is really that stupid?" he asked.

Kano walked down the hall and saw Rick impaled against the opposite wall by a barrage of arrows.

"Yup."

Kano grabbed the treasure and walked back to the jeep. Mission accomplished.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," began Hsu Hao, "You're going to find this Blind Swordsman and kill him, in exchange for a battle against Kano?"

"Yes," said Mavado, "Once I kill Kano, the Black Dragon will finally be eliminated."

"It's a good plan," said Hsu, "But do you even know who you're hunting?"

"Yeah," said Mavado, "I've seen pictures. He's blind, so he can't be much of a challenge!"

"Listen, if Shang Tsung is scared of him, then he must be dangerous. Let me come with you, you'll need help!"

"You don't understand, Hsuey. This is a personal mission. This battle will determine whether I can fight Kano, which will determine whether the Red Dragon is truly superior!"

"I don't understand what you just said," said Hsu, "But I hate being called Hsuey."

"Sorry."

"Well, then...I wish you the best of luck. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

"In the bathroom, jerking off?"

"You pervert!"

Shrugging his shoulders, Mavado pulled out his hookswords and began to sharpen them.

"By the way," said Hsu, "If you want to find him, I know a place you could check out..."

Hsu Hao tossed Mavado a card and walked off. Mavado smiled.

"Kenshi," he said, "You're mine!"

Meanwhile, Hsu Hao walked outside the palace and lit a cigarette. As he smoked, he did not notice a yellow-clad figure walking behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 7:**

Drahmin and Moloch walked around the underground chamber, talking and arguing.

"Can you believe what happened to Meredith?" said Moloch, "They tried all episode to revive her, but she wouldn't wake up!"

"I couldn't care less about her!" said Drahmin, "McDreamy is my favourite!"

"McDreamy? Eww...I can't stand that nickname!"

"Well, I can't stand your face!"

Just then, the two Oni heard a noise.

"Moloch," said Drahmin, "Did you just fart?"

"I don't think so," replied Moloch.

"Did you knock something down?"

"No..."

"Well, then! Let's investigate!"

Drahmin and Moloch ran down the hallway until they saw a large hole in the wall. Just then, a ninja wearing yellow robes emerged from the hole.

"Who are you?" demanded Drahmin.

"What the?..." said the ninja, "You again?"

"Wait!" said Drahmin, "I remember you! You're that creepy guy from the netherrealm who was torturing Quan Chi! What are you doing here?"

"I have come to kill Quan Chi," said Scorpion, "I was forced to enter via this underground passage to avoid being detected! Now, stay out of my way, Oni!"

"No!" shouted Drahmin, "As long as we're here, we must defend Shang Tsung's palace. It's the only way we'll get a nice reward from the Shangster!"

"Then I will destroy you!" said Scorpion.

The ninja spectre charged at Drahmin. Drahmin attempted to swing his club, but missed. Scorpion kicked Drahmin in the head, knocking him down.

"Drahmin!" shouted Moloch, "You're gonna pay!"

Moloch brought down his massive ball, but Scorpion side-stepped it. He unleashed a fury of punches into the Oni's large stomach. As he fought Moloch, Drahmin stood up.

"Don't worry!" said Drahmin, "I'll help you!"

But before Drahmin could do anything, Scorpion fired his spear, which scratched Drahmin in the side. At the same time, Scorpion kicked Moloch straight in the face. Scorpion pulled out his sword and began swinging it.

"Damn you!" shouted Drahmin, covering his wound. Drahmin swung his club again, but Scorpion jumped high up into the air to dodge it. Just then Moloch grabbed Scorpion by the legs.

"What is happening?" demanded Scorpion.

"You're gonna get a beating!" said Moloch.

"Yeah!" shouted Drahmin, "You go man!"

Moloch slammed Scorpion against the wall so hard, that the ninja went right through to the other side. Scorpion stood up and saw Moloch charging at him again. Scorpion picked up some rubble and shot it into Moloch's eyes to distract him.

"Yes!" said Scorpion.

"Hey, buddy!" said Drahmin, who was standing behind Scorpion.

The ninja spectre turned around, and Drahmin immediately whacked him across the face. Scorpion fell head-first into the ground and passed out.

"Geez," said Moloch, rubbing his eyes, "What was that all about?"

"I don't know," said Drahmin, "But at least we beat him!"

"Oh, my God!" said Moloch, "You're bleeding!"

"Don't worry...It's just a scratch. Now, let's dispose of the body."

"Mmmm...I can't wait to sink my teeth..."

"No, you dunderhead! We can't eat him!"

"Why not?"

"He's a demon, just like us! We can't eat our own flesh and blood! It's disgusting and wrong!"

"So what are we gonna do?"

Drahmin smiled through his mask, "I have an excellent idea..."

* * *

Shang Tsung and Quan Chi walked around the main room of the palace, observing the undead army. All of a sudden, Kano burst in.

"I did it!" announced Kano, "I fucking did it!"

"Great work!" said Quan Chi, "You will receive your payment later today."

"Yeah, I better!"

"Wow," said Shang Tsung, "This is pure gold! We can finally ahve this tournament!"

"Good," said Chi, "Shang, announce to the prisonners that the tournament will begin tomorrow." Shang Tsung obeyed. "So, Kano, tell me of your adventures."

"Let's see..." began Kano, "Shot with arrows, attacked by zombies, knocked out by a greedy car salesman...Yeah, that about sums it up!"

"Okay, then..."

"If you need me, I'll be outside."

Kano walked out. Quan Chi resumed what he was doing.

* * *

"What is this?" asked Moloch.

"This, my friend," began Drahmin, "Is the soulnado. Cool, isn't it?"

Moloch and Drahmin found themselves standing in front of a large green swirl of souls.

"This is where Shang Tsung gets his souls from. This portal leads hundreds of miles into the ground, and hundreds of miles into the sky!"

"Cool..."

Moloch approached the soulnado and touched it.

"YEOWCH! Hot!" shouted Moloch.

"Watch out!" warned Drahmin, "This is the portal to the heavens, so it is harmful to demons like us."

"I see," said Moloch, sucking on his finger.

"Now, on the count of three, we will pick up Scorpion and toss him in! Ready? 1-2-3!"

The Oni tossed Scorpion into the Soulnado. They watched deviously as the spectre awoke and began to squirm violently to get out. Eventually, he dissappeared into the mass of green souls.

"A job well done," said Moloch.

"Indeed," said Drahmin, "But I couldn't have done it without you, my love."

"Aw shucks," said Moloch, "You're making me blush!"

"You wanna...You know?"

"Oh! I'd love to..."


	8. Chapter 8

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem!**

**Chapter 8:**

Mavado wandered around Outworld for a while searching for the location written down on the card Hsu Hao gave him. Mavado may be a skilled warrior, but his navigational skills were a little crappy. Once, at eight years old, Mavado got lost in his broom closet while playing hide-and-go-seek. Despite, that, however, Mavado found the place alright.

Known as "The Warrior's Club," it was a hot spot for warriors from abroad to hang out and and chat. The building was ridiculously small and stood in the middle of a large desert with no other building in site.

"You've got to be kidding me," muttered Mavado, "This better not be some _From Dusk 'Til Dawn _shit!"

Mavado made his way to the building and attempted to open the door, but it was locked.

"Hello?" said Mavado, knocking.

"ID please!" said a voice from inside.

"I don't wanna come in," said the Red Dragon, "I just wanted to know where I can find someone. I think he comes here..."

"No ID?" said the voice again, "Go away!"

"Fine," said Mavado, smiling.

Mavado stuck two large rope-hooks into the side of the door and began to pull back. When he pulled back far enough, Mavado lifted both his feet in the air and flung himself like a slingshot into the door. The metal soles of his feet were strong enough to knock down the door. When Mavado burst in, everyone inside stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

"My friends always told me I knew how to make an entrance," said Mavado.

Mavado looked around. The place looked a lot like a tavern. A bar, tables, and a little jukebox in the corner playing Honky-Tonk crap. There were only about fifteen people at the club and they were all dressed like ninja wannabes.

"What do you want here?" demanded a man.

"I'm looking for this guy, Kenshi," replied Mavado, "He's known as the blind sword-man, or something like that."

"We don't know anyone by that name!"

Just then, a crowd of people surrounded Mavado. They all looked angry.

"You will pay for your intrusion!" snapped a man.

"Oh, so it's afight you want, eh?" said Mavado, "Alright...!"

Mavado then thrusted his hands and ripped out the eyeballs out of a man standing next to him. The man screamed and staggered around. Mavado threw the eyes to the floor. The rest of the men got into fighting stance.

"Everybody _Wing Chun _tonight," chuckled Mavado.

Immediately the men all charged at the Red Dragon. Mavado dodged all their attacks and unleashed a fury of punches and kicks. A man suddenly came from the left. Mavado kicked him and lodged his foot into his chest. At the same time, he grabbed another on-coming man and snapped his neck. More men charged at him. Realizing he was overwhelmed, Mavado pulled out his hookswords and sliced up all the men that came near him.

There were just three men left. Mavado threw himself to the floor and slashed one man in the shins. As soon as the man fell down, Mavado lodged one of his hookswords into his head. Another man charged from behind. Mavado turned around and flung his second hooksword at him, striking him in the chest. Mavado turned around to see the last warrior. As Mavado approached him, the man slowly backed off, knees shaking. Mavado smirked and shoved his hand into the man's chest, ripping out his heart.

Suddenly, Mavado heard a noise; When he turned to see who it was, it was just the man whose eyes he had ripped out, still staggering about. Mavado clenched the heart tightly and threw it straight at the man like a deadly projectile. The heart struck the man, who fell over and hit his head on a table, cracking his skull open. Mavado examined the dead bodies around him.

"Pathetic..." he said.

Mavado then picked up and cleaned his hookswords. He grabbed himself a drink before leaving the club. The search for Kenshi continued...

* * *

The two Oni walked around the underground chamber as they usually did

"Can you believe they managed to revive Meredith?" snapped Drahmin, "That's bullshit!"

"But she's the star of the show!" said Moloch, "She has to live!"

"Yeah, but after an hour of not breathing? _Grey's Anatomy _completely jumped the shark, if you ask me..."

Just then, Drahmin felt a breeze.

"Did you feel that?" asked Drahmin.

"Uh, no..." replied Moloch.

The Oni walked down the small hallway when they suddenly saw an enormous hole in the wall.

"What the fuck is that?" asked Drahmin.

"A hole?" replied Moloch.

"I can see that! But how?..."

Just then, it hit him.

"That's it!" shouted Drahmin, "The ninja spectre! He tunneled out this hole to sneak into the palace!"

"Wow," said Moloch, "You're really smart, Drahmin."

"I sure am! Now, it seems that he forgot to close the hole..."

"So?"

"So? This means we can finally escape! F-R-E-E-D-O-M!"

"I can't spell," Moloch lowered his head in shame.

"Dumbass," said Drahmin, "Freedom! Now, we can hunt down Quan Chi once and for all! All we have to do is find out where he lives, murder him, make it look like an accident, and be back in time for supper!"

"And then, Shang Tsung will make us members of the Deadly Alliance!"

"Now, you're using your head, my love! Come on! Let's go find that bastard Quan Chi once and for all!"

"Yessir!"

Moloch and Drahmin walked into the large hole and crawled their way through a large tunnel. It was only a matter of time before they would step foot in Outworld once again.

* * *

"Well," said Quan Chi, "This is it! Our tournament will finally begin!"

"Yes," said Shang Tsung, "And when we declare the winner, the army will not only be complete, but it will have itself a powerful leader to lead them on our conquest of Earthrealm!"

"And those stupid prisonners all think they're fighting for their freedom! What a bunch of chumps!"

"Hey! Not all of them!"

"What?"

"Nothing..." Shang Tsung turned red.

"Right..." said Quan Chi, "Well, come on. We have to tell Kano to have him and the Tarkatan army set up the tournament by tomorrow. How's our _myspace_ page coming along?"

"Great," replied Tsung, "I'm just adding a few more pics..."

"Not that one!" shouted Chi, "My eyes are all closed."

"Please, stop complaining!"

"And you misspelled 'Deadly Alliance!'"

"That's it! You work on it, then!"

Shang Tsung then stood up and walked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" demanded Chi.

"To my bedroom to play some some _X-Box 360_!" said Tsung.

"Loser!"

Just after Shang Tsung left, a Tarkatan guard showed up.

"Sir," said the guard, "We have some bad news to report!"

"What is it?" asked Chi, getting up from the computer.

"The Earthrealm heroes are approaching the palace."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Some of our troops spotted them over Sezu Valley!"

"Damnit! Send about one hundred troops there and try to intercept them!"

"Yessir!" the Tarkata guard left.

Nothing was going to get in the way of the Deadly Alliance's plan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem**

**Chapter 9:**

The next day, the tournament began. The stadium was inside an enourmous circular wall that stood behind the palace. The seats were filled with Tarkatan guards. The two main seats in the centre were reserved for the Deadly Alliance. In the battlefield, stood Li Mei and another random combatant named Leroy.

"Ah," said Quan Chi, "The fresh air, the cheering fans, the bloody violence...I love hosting tournaments!"

"Yes," replied Shang Tsung, "It reminds me of when I hosted the first ever Mortal Kombat tournament!"

"Yeah," said Chi, "You were an old fart back then!"

"Shut up!"

"Whatever. You have to admit, this girl, Li Mei, is an exceptional fighter."

"You're right. And she's so young and promising...She reminds me of myself as a youngster."

**-Flashback-**

Over 1000 years ago in some dojo...

"Young grasshopper," said the old master, "I will teach everything you need to know about the martial arts. You will learn techniques that no longer exist in this world. You will become a powerful, disciplined warrior. But most imprtant of all, you will learn to focus your _Chi _energy!"

"My _Chi_ energy?" asked a young Shang Tsung.

"Yes," replied the master, "Observe."

The master then began to concentrate. In a few seconds, the bulge in his pants grew to over five feet.

"Woah!" said Shang Tsung.

**-End Flashback-**

"Yeah," said Shang Tsung, "Those were good times..."

"Look," said Quan Chi, "Li Mei is winning!"

Down on the battlefield, Leroy charged at Li Mei, holding an enormous staff. Li Mei, who was weaponless, jumped high up into the air and dodged the attack. She then came back down and punched Leroy in the face.

"Fuck you," sanpped Leroy.

He then swung his staff, but Li Mei ducked under it. While on the floor, she swung her legs, tripping Leroy. She then stood up and performed a cartwheel kick and landed on his chest.

"Ooof!" said Leroy.

"Like that?" asked Li Mei.

Li Mei held her foot down on Leroy's chest and picked up his staff. She then looked up at Shang Tsung and Quan Chi.

Quan Chi gave a thumbs down. Li Mei nodded and impaled Leroy with the staff, killing him. The stadium erupted with applause and cheer.

"Geez," said Shang Tsung, "Who do you think you are, Caesar?"

"I've always wanted to do that," admitted Quan Chi.

Tsung sighed.

Now that Li Mei won this round, she would take part in the finals tomorrow.

* * *

Mavado made his way through a large forest where he eventually found the Blind Swordsman meditating.

"Yo," said Mavado, "Is your name Kenshi?"

"Yes," replied the swordsman turning his head, "What buisiness do you have with me?"

"Don't play stupid," said Mavado, "You know why I'm here!"

"To wipe my ass for me?"

"Yes, exactly...Wait a minute...NO!"

Kenshi laughed.

"Bastard!" said Mavado, "I've come here to take you out!"

"So you work for Shang Tsung? How is the old man?"

"You should know, you've been spying on him! (Even though you're blind...)

Kenshi stood up, "That sorcerer ruined my life. He has made me blind. I can no longer see the beauty of this world."

"Trust me," said the Red Dragon, "There's not much to see around here. Just a bunch of deserts, a strip joint every 2 miles and a bunch of freaky looking people that look like they've had too much botox."

"That does not matter!" snapped Kenshi, "Shang Tsung will pay!"

"Not if I kill you first!" said Mavado, taking out his hookswords.

"Just because I am blind, it does not mean I can not kill you! I have the warrior's spirit. I am a master swordsman!"

"Yeah, yeah! Let's just get this over with, _Zatoichi_. I have to check my emails!"

Kenshi pulled out his katana and began swinging it wildly. Only, he was standing nowhere near Mavado.

"Um," began Mavado, "I'm over here..."

"Sorry," said Kenshi.

He charged towards the Red Dragon and the two combatants began to fight. In just a few seconds, Kenshi was lying in a pool of his own blood. What good is a warrior's spirit if you can't see?

"Stupid blind man!" said Mavado.

With that, Mavado began his long journey back to Shang Tsung's palace.

* * *

So much had been going on around the palace. Hsu Hao was desperate to relieve some stress. Sitting by himself in a small room of the palace Hsu pulled out a small box and opened it. Inside was a small bag.

"Goddamnit!" said Hsu, "What does one have to do around here to relax a bit?"

Hsu Hao lit the hash and began to inhale. It was such a great feeling. Just then, Kano walked in.

"Hey," he said, "Do you know where I can find...CRIKEY!"

"Oh!" said Hsu, "This isn't what it looks like..."

"You had pot and you didn't tell me?"

In a few minutes, the Red Dragon and Black Dragon were both sitting together and having a good time.

"You..." began Hsu, "You look like...like...like...that guy...that actor..."

"Oh yeah?" said Kano, "You like your mom!" Kano chuckled.

"Dude! It just hit me..."

"What is it mate?

"The reason you talk all funny is because you're from Australia!"

"And the reason _you_ talk all funny is beacuse you're Chinesian!"

"Actually," said Hsu, lowering his head, "I'm not Chinese...I'm actually Mongolian."

"Really?"

"I know..." said Hsu, "It's shocking..."

"Actually," began Kano, "I'm not completely Australian. I grew up in England!"

"Wow." said Hsu.

"That's the truth," said Kano.

"No, that's not it! You have a massive booger hanging from your nose!"

Kano wiped his nose and stared at his hand. After a few seconds the two burst out into laughter.

* * *

Shang Tsung sat in his office doing paperwork and stuff when Mavado suddenly walked in.

"Mavado?" said Shang Tsung, "You're back?"

"That's right," replied the Red Dragon, "And now I want my fight with Kano."

Shang tsung hesitated. "Alright. You can fight him tomorrow while he's on guard duty."

Mavado smirked. The day has finally come.


	10. Chapter 10

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem**

**Chapter 10:**

It was now the next day, and the final round of the tournament was taking place. Once again, the stadium was full of people. Li Mei was up against another finalist, Jack. When Quan Chi gave the signal, the fight began:

Jack charged straight for Li Mei. She managed to dodge the punch, but immediately afterwards, he kicked her in the back. As she fell over, Jack tried to stomp her head, but she rolled out of the way. Li Mei stood up and performed her flying fists move, but Jack blocked every single punch. He then swung his fist and struck Li Mei across the face.

"Now you're gonna get it, buster!" said Li Mei, wiping the blood dripping from her mouth.

"Bring it on, bitch," said Jack.

Li Mei jumped into the air and kicked Jack in the chest. Angrily, Jack backhanded Li Mei. He attempted to punch and kick her several times, but she dodged each attack. Suddenly, Jack elbowed Li Mei in the face. He then brought his knee into her stomach. A chorus of "Ooooh's" and "Awww's" filled the stadium as they watched Li Mei get a beating.

"Damn," said Tsung, "It looks like she won't be our undead General after all."

"Hold on," said Chi, "I still have faith in her!"

Li Mei had a swollen eye and blood was dripping from her nose and mouth. Despite her injuries, she refused to give up. She charged at Jack again, this time she did something completely unpredictable: A clock kick.

"Woah!" said Tsung, "How the fuck did she do that?"

Quan Chi said nothing...his jaw simply dropped.

"I mean," continued Tsung, "That's physically impossible!"

Jack flew up into the air and hit the ground. As soon as he got up, she kicked him in the face, knocking him down. He stood up again and this time, grabbed Li Mei's hair.

"Let go of me, you sissy!" said Li Mei.

Li Mei then grabbed Jack's hair.

"You're calling me a sissy?"

Li Mei quickly punched Jack in the face, breaking his nose. On the sideline, there was a Tarkatan guard holding a bunch of weapons. He tossed a couple of sai to Li Mei, who caught them successfully. The guard then tossed a broadsword to Jack, but he was so dizzy from the punch, that when he tried to catch the sword, it simply swiped past his hand, chopping off several fingers, causing Jack to scream in pain.

Suddenly, Li Mei threw her sai to the floor and kicked Jack in the gut, lodging her foot in it. Li Mei slowly pulled her foot out, pulling out some of his guts along with it. As Jack fell to the floor, Li Mei kicked Jack in the head, knocking it right off. Everyone in the audience cheered as Li mei pumped her fists.

* * *

Later, backstage:

"Congratulations!" announced Shang Tsung, who walked into the room along with Quan Chi, "You are the winner of the first (And hopefully last) ever Deadly Alliance tournament!"

"So now, I've won my people's freedom?" she asked.

"Um," said Quan Chi, "Not really..."

"What do you mean?" demanded the Li Mei.

"This tournament was not for the freedom of your people, nor was it for pride, glory, or some fancy trophy. This was to determine who would serve as General in our army of undead warriors."

"What?"

"At noon tomorrow, I'm going to take your soul and transplant it into a mummified soldier," said Tsung.

"And if I refuse?" said Li Mei.

"You can't," said Quan Chi, holding up the amulet, "As long as I have this amulet, you're pretty much ours."

"Don't worry," began Tsung, "It'll be fun being a soldier! You'll get to kill people and conquer the world...And on Saturdays, it's poker night at my place!"

"But my people..."

"Most of them died anyways during the construction," said Chi, "Now, guards: Take her away!"

Two Tarkatan guards arrived and carried off a screaming and kicking Li Mei. The Deadly Alliance laughed. Just then, Kano showed up.

"Sir, I've got some really bad news!"

"What is it?" demanded Chi.

"Remember you sent those Tarkata to finish off the heroes?" asked Kano.

"Yes," replied Chi.

"Well, they're all dead...And the heroes are still on their way!"

"Fucking shit!" snapped Chi, "I gotta go!"

"Where?" asked Tsung.

"To my palace," said Chi, "I have to recharge in my inner sanctum. I must be ready for the final battle!"

"See ya, then!"

Quan Chi ran off.

"Now, what?" asked Kano.

"Go to the entrance," ordered Tsung, "It's time for your guard duties!"

"Yessir!"

Kano then ran outside.

* * *

Hsu Hao walked down the usual route to the Outworld bar. Hsu desperately needed a drink. He promised Mavado, however, that he would return in time to see Mavado destroy the Black Dragon. As Hsu walked, he did not notice Major Jackson Briggs standing on the side of the road. As soon as Hsu got near, Jax tackled the Red Dragon down.

"Remember me, sucka?" asked Jax.

"Oh! Hi Major Briggs," said Hsu, nervously, "How nice to see you again..."

"Don't play Mr. Nice Guy with me, ya sunavabitch! Ima kick yo ass fo' what you did to my OIA!"

"It's not my fault," pleaded Hsu, "I was just following orders!"

"Oh yeah? Well follow this, mothafucka!"

"Please don't kill me!"

Jax then plunged his hands into Hsu's chest. He dug his metal fingers into the area that surrounded Hsu's artificial implant and began to loosen it. Hsu Hao let out a massive scream. After a few minutes, Jax ripped the implant out of Hsu's body. Blood and gore flew everywhere. Jax tossed the implant aside like a piece of garbage.

"Revenge is mine!" said Jax, laughing.

He then stood up and fled to rejoin his fellow heroes. Hsu's dead body lay motionless on the cold, dirty floor.

* * *

As Kano patrolled the Palace grounds, he did not notice Mavado sneaking up behind him.

"Hey, _Kangaroo Jack_!" shouted Mavado, "Ready to die?"

"Excuse me?" said Kano, "Is this a challenge?"

"What do you think, dumbass?"

"So, I guess there ain't no more peace between us then, eh?"

"Nope. It's time for you and your stupid clan to go down! And this time, Hsuey isn't around to save you!"

The two combatants headed to the roof of the palace.

"You're sure ya wanna do this, mate?" asked Kano.

"Yes," said Mavado.

"Alright then! _DDR_!"

The two combatants jumped onto a large _DDR_ machine and placed two quarters in. They selected _Max 300 _at Expert.

"Ready?" asked Mavado.

"Born ready!" replied Kano.

As soon as the song started, the two went at it. At first, Mavado was leading in points, but then Kano started catching up. The song got more intense and so did the combatants. All that could be heard was the thumping of Kano and Mavado's boots on the heavy machine and the loud dance music blaring from the speakers. After the longest few minutes of their life, they saw their score...

"WHAT?" shouted Kano.

"I DONT (gasp) BELIEVE THIS!" said Mavado.

In the end, both combatants failed the song.

"The (gasp) fucking pad is (gasp) broken!" snapped Kano, "The right arrow doesn't (gasp) press!"

"Fuck you (gasp)" said Mavado, "You just (gasp) suck! Admit it! (gasp)"

"You (gasp) failed also, you twat!"

"Fuck this (gasp) shit! I'm gonna kill you right here, right now!"

Mavado then pulled out his hookswords and ran towards Kano. As Mavado swung, Kano dodged each attack.

"Missed me," said Kano, sticking his tongue out.

Mavado then slashed Kano's chest, leaving a bright red scar.

"That's it! Taste butterfly knife, bitch!" Kano then pulled out his knives.

"Butterfly knives?" asked Mavado, "Could you get any queerer?"

Kano the swung his knives, but Mavado blocked the blows. As they fought, they found themselves extremely close to the edge of the rooftop. Mavado tried desperately to hang on.

"Geez," said Mavado, "Where have I seen this fight scene before?"

"It's the author of the story," said Kano, "He's too lazy to come up with any original ideas, so he ripped off his previous story!"

"Oh, right!" said Mavado.

Mavado then slipped past Kano's defence and the two combatants switched sides. It was now Kano who was hanging on for his life.

"Oy! I'm fucked!" said Kano.

"That's right, biatch!" said Mavado, "Now, say goodbye, Chump!"

Mavado then kicked Kano in the chest, pushing the Black Dragon over the edge. All that could be heard was the faint scream of Kano before he hit the ground. Mavado smiled. His life-long dream had been fulfilled.

* * *

Drahmin and Moloch continued their trek across Outworld to find Quan Chi's palace.

"I haven't been on _Youtube _in a while," said Moloch.

"Well," said Drahmin, "You should start going again. There's a whole bunch of funny shit I have to show..."

"What is it?"

"Do you see that?"

"Where?"

"Over there!"

Moloch turned to where Drahmin was pointing.

"Oh..." said Moloch, "Sorry, my vision's a little screwed up. It sucks being a cyclops."

"Um, Moloch," said Drahmin, "You have three eyes, not one!"

"Whoops. I was never that good at math..."

"Whatever. Anyways, isn't that Quan Chi's palace over there?"

"I don't know...Is it?"

Just a few feet away from the Oni was a large neon sign that read: _Quan Chi's Palace Just Up Ahead_.

"Excellent," said Drahmin, "Moloch, let's do this!"

The Oni ran towards the large building.


	11. Chapter 11

Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem

**Chapter 11:**

After spending a few minutes in his inner sanctum chamber recharging his magic, (and doing a few other naughty things) Quan Chi stepped out, feeling refreshed. His first intention was to return to the palace, but something got in his way...

"It can't be!" said Chi, "You? But how..."

"We followed you out of the netherrealm," said Drahmin, who had been standing just outside the inner sanctum, "And now, you're gonna pay for leaving us there!"

"Yeah!" said Moloch, "You're gonna pay!"

"What do you stupid Oni hope to accomplish?" asked Chi, "The reason I left you down there is because you are smelly, decripted and useless. No one loves you!"

"Fuck you," said Drahmin, "We're still gonna kill you."

"Bring it on, fags!"

"What did you call us?" demanded Drahmin angrily.

"I said," began Chi, "You two are a couple of FAGGOTS!"

"No one calls Moloch and I faggots!" snapped Drahmin, "Let's do this!"

The two Oni screamed and charged for Quan Chi. The sorcerer fired a green energy ball at Moloch, knocking him down. However, he did not have enough time to charge up another ball, and Drahmin immediately leapt at Quan Chi. Two combatants stumbled into the inner sanctum chamber.

"DRAHMIN!" screamed Moloch.

The big oni made his way to the inner sanctum chamber and looked down. He saw Quan Chi hanging on with one arm as the chamber attempted to suck him up. Drahmin held on to Quan Chi's legs.

"Moloch," said Drahmin, "I'm not gonna make it!"

"Don't say that!" said Moloch, "I'll save you!" But Moloch could not reach Drahmin.

"Just go," said Drahmin, "I want you to lead a good life here in outworld. Do something, become important!"

Moloch's eyes began to tear up.

"Just remember," began Drahmin, "I will always love you..."

"I can't live without you," said Moloch, "I'm coming with you!"

"Moloch," said Drahmin, taking off his mask, revealing that he was crying as well.

Moloch leapt into the chamber. At the same time, Drahmin let go of Quan Chi. Hugging each other, the two Oni fell down into the chamber and dissappeared into the white light. Without the extra weight of Drahmin holding him down, Chi was able to climb out of the chamber. After shutting it, Chi just sat there and breathed heavily.

"Stupid Oni!" he said.

Just then, a Tarkatan soldier entered the building.

"What the hell do you want?" asked Chi.

"Sir," said the soldier, "I couldn't find Shang Tsung anywhere in the palace, so I came to you..."

"Yes, and?"

"The earthrealm are beginning their attack! We have no one to lead the soldiers!"

"FUCK!"

Quan Chi thought for a moment.

"Run back," began Chi, "And find Shang. Kano's dead, so I'm gonna take control of the army for now."

"Yessir!"

The Tarkata ran out of the building. Quan Chi gathered his stuff and ran out. This was the last thing he had hoped for now.

* * *

Mavado walked down the road to Outworld bar. Mavado could not find Hsu Hao anywhere and this was the last place that Hsu was. As Mavado looked around, he noticed a body lying on the ground.

"Oh, no!" said Mavado, "It can't be!"

Mavado ran towards the body. He saw the cold, dead face of Hsu Hao.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Mavado, "Who could've done such a thing?"

Mavado lifted Hsu Hao's head up and hugged him.

"You were my best friend," said Mavado, crying, "Ewww! Oh, God! I can see all your organs and stuff!"

Mavado then dropped the bloody body and stood up.

"Whoever is responsible for this will pay with their lives!" Mavado pulled out his hookswords and gripped them tightly, "I promise you, Hsu Hao! I will avenge you!"

With those words, Mavado ran off.

* * *

Quan Chi found himself standing on a balcony high up on the palace. A large group of Tarkatan soldiers prepared themselves for the battle against the heroes who were fast approaching them. On the heroes side stood Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Jax, Bo' Rai Cho, Kung Lao, Kitana, and of course, Raiden (Sub-Zero was not there, as he was burying Frost). As soon as they arrived on the scene, the soldiers began their attack. Despite being outnumbered, the Earthrealm Heroes were excellent fighters and knocked around the Tarkata easily.

"Damn you Tarkata!" screamed Quan Chi from the balcony, "Attack! No mercy! No mercy!"

Two Tarkata charged for Johnny Cage. The movie star did a double Johnny uppercut and knocked both of them out.

Meanwhile, two soldiers snuck up on Sonya. She suddenly turned around and kicked them down. Kung Lao pulled out his broadsword and sliced two more soldiers down.

"Watch out!" shouted Kitana. A soldier ran up behind Kung Lao.

Kung Lao pulled of his hat and flung it at the soldier, decapitating him. Kung Lao put his hat back on and continued fighting. Jax took out his assault rifle and began pumping lead into a horde of Tarkata, but was soon overwhelmed.

"Damn!" said Jax, "Yo, Bo-man! Ima need some help!"

Bo Rai Cho lit a match and farted, sending a flame jet that burned an oncoming sworm of soldiers.

"Thanks bro," said Jax. Bo nodded.

"This is ridiculous!" said Quan Chi, "There are so many of you! How could you..."

Just then, a dead Tarkata flew in Quan Chi's direction and struck the wall near him.

"Jesus," said Chi," That was damn close!"

* * *

Shang Tsung walked groggily down the dungeons. The cells were all empty as the prisonners had killed each other during the tournament. All who was left was Li Mei, and Shang Tsung was going to take her soul earlier than expected.

"Hi Shangie," said Li Mei.

"Don't play nice with me," said Tsung, "I fell alseep on the can and now I just found out the 'good guys' are about to attack my precious palace..."

"Bo Rai Cho..." muttered Li Mei.

"Now," continued Tsung, "I have to take your soul immediately in order to complete the army."

Shang Tsung opened the cell. Li Mei stepped out and approached him.

"I always liked you more that your buddy Quan Chi," she said.

"Let's go," said Tsung.

"I have to tell you something," whispered Li Mei, "I have always loved you. You are the sweetest man I have ever met."

"But what about what I did to you?"

"I know you didn't want to do it," Li Mei stroked Tsung's chest, "I saw the anguish in your eyes."

Shang Tsung gulped.

"Make love to me," said Li Mei, hugging him.

Tsung couldn't take it anymore...He was finally going to get laid!

* * *

Meanwhile, the battle continued.

"Goddamnit!" said Chi, "Where the fuck is Tsung? i could sure use his help!"

Just then, Raiden fired an energy ball in Quan Chi's direction. There was a big explosion that rocked the balcony and broke off a piece of it.

"You're going down Chi!" shouted Raiden.

"Not if I destroy you first!" said Chi.

The sorcerer fired a green energy ball down into the battlefield, but missed. Raiden fired back, this time, blowing off the area Chi was standing on. Chi went flying and barely managed to land on top of a nearby wall that surrounded the palace. Quan Chi held on desperately to stop himself from falling. Raiden was about to fire again, but a Tarkata attacked him from behind and distracted him. Quan Chi managed to climb back on and ran down the wall. As he tried to climb down the side to a lower balcony, he slipped and fell onto the balcony hard.

Meanwhile down below, the heroes continued killing off swarms of Tarkatans. Johnny Cage grabbed a Tarkatan by the arm and tossed him towards Sonya who whacked him with her Kali sticks.

"Home run," said Johnny.

Bo' Rai Cho jumped into the air and body slammed a group of soldiers. After standing up, he looked around.

"Damnit!" he muttered, "I must find my pupil, Li Mei."

As the heroes continued battling, Bo snuck his way into the castle. Quan Chi did not notice him because he was still a little dizzy from the fall.

* * *

From Shang Tsung's bedroom came a series of moans and groans. Li Mei and Shang Tsung were both in the bed.

"Oh, Shang!" said Li Mei, "You're (Moan) incredible! Are you sure this (Moan) is your first time?"

"Yes," replied Tsung, "(Moan) Um, I mean hell no! I'm (Moan) over a thousand years old! (Moan) I can't still be a (Moan) virgin!"

"Of (Moan) course!"

Just then, Bo' Rai Cho entered the room.

"Li Mei," he said, "I've come to rescue...OH MY GOD!"

"Wha?..." Shang Tsung looked up.

"Master!" said Li Mei also looking up.

"What is the meaning of this?" demanded Bo.

Li Mei jumped out of the bed holding pillows to cover her naughty bits.

"Master," she began, "I can explain. This is just a trick so I can escape from prison. He was going to transplant my soul!"

"You poor girl!" said Bo, "Let's go!"

As Li Mei put her clothes on, Shang Tsung watched in horror.

"For once I thought I wasn't going to die a virgin..." he began, "Now, you're telling me it was all just a trick?"

"Yeah," said Li Mei, "But I still think you're kinda cute. A little small though..."

"WHAT?"

Bo Rai Cho and Li Mei ran out of the bedroom. Shang Tsung fired a fireball and missed.

"HOW DARE YOU TRICK ME AND RUN!"

Still naked, and wearing nothing but a bedsheet, Tsung jumped out of the bed and chased the the two down the corridors of his palace. He fired several fireballs, but kept missing. Eventually, the two arrived outside...

"Get back here!" shouted Tsung.

"We did it," said Bo, "We made it!"

Bo Rai Cho and Li Mei ran through the battlefield, pushing their way through the combatants. Just then Shang Tsung stepped out.

"Damn you..."

Just then, a wind blew off Tsung's bedsheet. Every single combatant stopped fighting and stared.

"What are you staring at?..." asked Tsung, "Oh! Fuck!"

At that moment, everyone burst out into laughter. Even Quan Chi, who was still up on the balcony couldn't hold it back.

Tsung covered his privates with his hands and began to cry.

"FUCK YOU ALL!" Tsung then ran back inside, red in the face.

The combatants continued to laugh for several minutes...

* * *

Meanwhile, Bo Rai Cho and Li Mei fled the scene. They were not sticking around to see the end of the battle...They were going home as soon as possible.

As soon as the laughter faded, the combatants resumed the battle. And this time, things were not looking good for the heroes...

Jax pulled out a grenade and attempted to blow the shit out of some tarkata, but a tarkata snuck up from behind and sliced his head off. the grenade then went off, killing Kitana, who was standing nearby.

Johnny attempted to do a shadow kick, but he missed and got stabbed by a Tarkata.

Sonya found herself surrounded. Unable to fight them off, she was beaten to death,

Kung Lao tossed his hat again, but a Tarkata caught it and threw it back, lodging it in Lao's skull.

All that was left was Raiden, who continued to obliterate the Tarkata. Eventually, he realized that all his allies were dead. Hesitantly, Raiden teleported away.

Quan Chi rubbed his still aching head and looked down at the battlefield. There was no more fighting. The heroes were all gone...

"Holy Cow!" he said, "We won! We won!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem**

**Chapter 12:**

Mavado found himself walking alone down a long, desert road. He was searching for the one responsible for Hsu Hao's death, but as mentioned earlier, Mavado could not find his way out of a paper bag. That being said, he was lost in the middle of nowhere.

"Dman!" said Mavado, "This was a bad idea. I should have waited a bit at the palace and got some help before acting."

Mavado looked around for a bit, frustrated. Just then, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Who the..."

Mavado turned his head and saw the most gruesome sight of his life: A man with a deformed and scarred face, messy hair and hideous bulging eyes stared straight back at Mavado. The man said nothing. He just gave a really strange stair. Mavado was so terrified that he froze on the spot. The ugly man used this oppurtunity to steal the hookswords from Mavado.

"Yes," said the man, "It feels good to have them back in my hands again."

"W-w-wait," began Mavado, "C-c-can it be?"

"Yup," said the man, putting on an oxygen mask, "It's me, your worst nightmare!"

He then sliced Mavado's head off with the hookswords. Through his mask he laughed.

"Next time," began Kabal, "Make sure your enemy's actually dead before taking off!"

Kabal then cleaned the swords and put them away in his vest. He walked away from the scene, whistling along the way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem**

**Chapter 13:**

Quan Chi sat on a large couch in the main room of Shang Tsung's palace, basking in his victory over the heroes. Sure, Mavado, Kano and Hsu Hao were dead, Drahmin and Moloch were gone, and Shang Tsung was somewhere in the palace completely devoid of his dignity, but it didn't matter anymore...The Deadly Alliance won.

Speaking of Shang Tsung, he walked into the room, talking on a cell phone.

"Yes..." said Tsung, "Yes...I know...Yeah...They're all dead...No...No...Sure...Ok...Bye...Love you too...Bye!"

"Who was that?" asked Chi.

"Tanya," said Tsung, "Our enforcer. She's on her way back from her trip across Outworld."

"I believe she prefers the term 'ambassador'."

"Whatever," Tsung put his cell phone in his pocket. "Listen, I'm sorry I lost the final soul for the army..."

"Don't sweat it, man" said Chi, "We'll find someone. We have all the time in the world now that the Earthrealm heroes are dead."

"Yeah," said Tsung, "Man, we make such a great team. By the way, did anyone clear the bodies off of the palace grounds?"

"Geez," said Chi, "I almost got myself blown up back there, give me a break!"

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" asked Chi.

"The pizza boy," said a voice.

"I didn't order a pizza," said Tsung, approaching the door.

Tsung looked through the peephole and saw the glaring face of Raiden staring back at him. Tsung immediately turned his back to the door and looked at Quan Chi.

"What?" asked Chi, "What's wrong?"

"H-H-H-He's h-here..."

All of a sudden, the door exploded and Tsung went flying across the room. Chi helped him up. There, at the doorway, stood the thundergod, looking absoloutely furious.

"I thought you were dead!" said Chi.

"No!" screamed Raiden, "But you have killed all my allies...My friends! Now, you will PAY!"

Raiden fired a lightning bolt at the sorcerers, who dodged the shock. Quan Chi and Shang Tsung fired energy balls at Raiden, but he deflected them back at the Deadly Alliance, sending them flying backwards.

"Ow!" said Chi.

"The Deadly Alliance ends here!" boomed Raiden.

He charged up another electric beam. Before the sorcerers could do anything, they each found themselves being struck by a lightning bolt. Raiden lifted them up into the air and tossed them across the room. They both landed in the area near the Soulnado.

"Ow, my back," said Tsung, "I'm too old for this shit!"

"We need to find a way to beat him," said Chi.

"No, really?" said Tsung sarcastically.

The Deadly Alliance stood up and ran towards the oncoming Raiden. Quan Chi delivered some strong blows, but Raiden countered them and knocked Chi down. Tsung jumped into the air and tried to drop kick Raiden, but he grabbed the sorcerer's legs and tossed him into the air. When Tsung landed, he shot a fireball at Raiden, who merely deflected it.

Chi attempted to charge Raiden again, but the god easily tossed Chi over his head. Raiden began to fire lightning bolts at Chi who was on the floor. Chi built himself a wall of green skulls to deflect the shots, but soon found his barrier fading. Just then, Tsung attacked Raiden from behind.

"Now, you're pissing me off," said Raiden.

Raiden knocked Tsung down. Tsung landed near the Soulnado. Raiden began to electrocute Tsung. It was at this point when Tsung felt like he was going to die. All of a sudden, Chi stood up and shouted:

"Raiden, over here!"

Raiden diverted his attention to Quan Chi. This gave Tsung the oppurtunity to absorb a few souls from the nearby Soulnado.

"Ahhh," said Shang Tsung, "A little rejuvanation!"

Tsung then stood up and joined Quan Chi.

"I will destroy you both," said Raiden.

"Tough luck, pal!" said Tsung, "Ready?"

"Let's do this!" said Chi.

The sorcerers combined their magic and fired a massive energy beam at the thundergod. Raiden could not deflect it and soon found himself being lifted up into the air. Tsung then created a flaming dragon that hovered in the air for a few seconds before crashing down on Raiden's head. After a while, the smoke cleared, and the sorcerers saw an enormous impact crater on the ground in which Raiden lay unconscious.

"Holy shit!" said Tsung, "We did it! We beat a god!"

"Yeah," said Chi, "But he was in human form."

"Who cares? WE BEAT A GOD!"

"You're right...And now, there is no one who can stand in our way!"

They both began to laugh.

"Hey," said Tsung, "I've an idea!"

"What?" asked Chi.

"What if we used Raiden's soul for the last mummified soldier?"

"The soul of a god? You're crazy! It might work!"

The sorcers laughed some more.

"Now that my army is complete," began Chi, "I can finally take over Earthrealm!"

Shang Tsung stopped laughing.

"What do you mean _my _army?" asked Tsung.

"Well, I'm the one who found the army...Plus, this whole thing was my idea!"

"But we're a team! We're the Deadly Alliance!"

"Actually, the Deadly Alliance was just so that you could revive the army. You did a great job, but now, it's time for us to go our seperate ways."

"I did all this work for nothing, then?"

"No...You get the Portal to the Heavens and a palace!"

"What's the point of etenal life if I can't take over the bloody world?"

"Hey! Stop complaining you jerk!"

"You know what? I should take the army for myself!"

Shang Tsung reached for the amulet on Quan Chi's belt. Quan Chi backed off.

"What?" demanded Chi.

"Yeah," began Tsung, "I worked hard to transplant every single goddamn soul! Where were you? Eating potato chips on the couch?"

"Hey! I lead the Tarkatan army to victory against the heroes while you were getting freaky with Li Mei!"

"What about when we fought Liu Kang? You just sat there, picking your nose while I got a beating!"

"I did most of the work on Shao Kahn!"

"That's it! You're going down, _Uncle Fester_!" Shang Tsung got into fighting stance.

"That's where you're wrong, biatch!" Quan Chi also got into a fighting stance.

Tsung launched a punch that struck Quan Chi's jaw. Chi angrily kicked Tsung in the stomach. Tsung attempted to do a jump kick, but Chi dodged it. The two sorcerers went at it for a few minutes, but eventually Chi gained the upper hand. Tsung tried to punch Chi again, but this time, Chi caught the fist and began to twist Tsung's hand.

"Ow!" screamed Tsung, "Uncle! Uncle! Aunt! Sister! MOMMY!"

Quan Chi picked Shang Tsung up by the throat.

"You're a fat, worn-out old fart!" said Chi.

After holding Tsung up for a few seconds, Chi tossed him to the floor. Just then, he heard a noise...

"Who's there?" he demanded.

Quan Chi turned to the entrance and saw a hulking figure with wings at the door. Only when the undefeatable army began to bow down to the figure did Quan Chi finally figure out who that was...

"It can't be!" shouted Chi, "The Dragon King...Has returned!"

It was in fact Onaga, the Dragon King, who somehow returned from the dead. He had come for his army...And Quan Chi's amulet.

"Fuck you!" said Chi.

The sorcerer charged a green energy ball and fired it at Onaga. Nothing happened. Chi charged up an even bigger energey ball. Still, no effect. Fed up, Quan Chi fired a massive energy beam and aimed it straight at Onaga's chest. It slowed him down a bit, but otherwise, there was little effect. Hopeless and worn out, Quan Chi gave up and accepted his fate.

"What the hell are you doing?" said a voice from behind, "You can't just stand there, we gotta defeat this guy!"

Quan Chi turned around and saw Shang Tsung stand up and stand next to him.

"Shang..." said Chi, "You're willing to help me?"

"That's what allies are for," said Tsung.

Quan Chi nodded.

The two sorcerers both charged up energy beams and fired them at Onaga. This time, they actually began to injure him.

"Yes!" said Tsung, "Come on! We can do it!"

To their surprise, Raiden also stood up and began to help the Deadly Alliance by firing lightning beams at Onaga. However, despite their effort, it seemed like Onaga just kept moving in closer to them.

"We have to keep trying!" said Tsung.

"We can't do it!" said Chi, "It's over for us!"

"So I guess this is goodbye?" asked Tsung.

"Yeah," replied Chi, "After all that we've been through, this is how it's gonna end!"

"Listen, I'm sorry I tried to take the amulet from you!"

"And I'm sorry I called you an old fart. Can you forgive me?"

Shang tsung nodded. Tears began to well up in both their eyes. At this point, Onaga was just three feet in front of them.

"So long, brother," said Quan Chi.

"Bye, my friend!" said Shang Tsung.

At that moment, Raiden unleashed his Godly Essence.

The End?

Maybe not...


	14. Special Chapter

**Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance Mayhem**

**Special Chapter:**

_Meanwhile, back at Quan Chi's Palace..._

The inner sanctum chamber began to rumble violently. All of a sudden, the door swung open and two figures popped out.

"Ow," said of them, "My head. Where the hell am I?"

The man stood up. He was a short, skinny man who was wearing nothing except a pair of metal underwear. He also had a metal club on his right arm.

"Ow," said the other man, "Who the hell are you?"

He was a lot taller and larger than the other man. He too wore only metal briefs, and also had some chains wrapped around his body, which he quickly took off.

"I am Drahmin, the Oni Tormentor," said the smaller man, "Who are you?"

"Drahmin?" said the bigger man, "Is that really you? It's me, Moloch!"

"What the?..."

The two Oni stared at each other for a bit...They were no longer Oni, but humans now.

"It must have been the chamber," said Drahmin, "It warped us somehow!"

"Sweet," said Moloch, "I don't remember the last time I was human!"

"Well, I do, and trust me, it is sweet! We can do whatever we want! No one will be scared of us!"

Drahmin smelled his armpit.

"And we don't smell like shit anymore!" shouted Drahmin.

"So, now what do you wanna do?"asked Moloch.

"I don't know," replied Drahmin, taking off his heavy club, "Wanna go watch a movie? I hear _The Number 23 _is pretty good."

"I really wanted to watch _300_!" said Moloch.

"Sure whatever...Let's just find some clothes before we head out. Now that we're humans, we have to start getting dressed again. Now, the Chi-Man must have some clothes in his palace."

The two Oni, um I mean, _humans _began to walk around the palace searching for Quan Chi's clothes.

"Drahmin..." said Moloch, "It feels weird having just two eyes..."

"Don't worry," began Drahmin, "You'll get used to it."

"I love you," said Moloch.

"I love you too," said Drahmin.

THE END!!!

For real, this time...


End file.
